Your child opens their exercise book and asks for help with a word problem. You read it twice and still aren't sure where to start, or you half-remember a method but don't know whether school still teaches it that way. Many parents feel that if they aren't good at maths they can't help, so they either avoid it or explain a method they aren't confident about themselves.
The person helping with homework doesn't have to be the person who knows the answer. The most useful thing you can do is ask the right question at the right moment, so your child keeps thinking. Below: questions to use straight away, how to let the book's worked example do the teaching, how to check an answer when you're unsure, and what not to say about being "bad at maths".
Why asking helps more than explaining
When you explain, you do most of the thinking. Your child listens, nods, and the next time a similar problem comes up they're stuck again. When you ask, your child is the one who has to remember, say it out loud and put the steps in order. That is exactly the part they need to practise.
Asking has another advantage if maths isn't your strong point: questions don't need an answer key. "What is the question asking?" or "What have you tried so far?" work for a first-year problem and a fifth-year one alike. You don't need to be right, just curious and patient. And as your child explains their thinking, they often spot the mistake themselves.
Questions that work for any maths problem
Pick one or two that fit the moment rather than firing off the whole list. After asking, stay quiet and wait. Count to five in your head if you need to.
| When | Question to try | What it helps with |
|---|---|---|
| Before starting | "What is the question asking? Can you say it in your own words?" | Understanding what to find |
| "Is this like any problem you've done before?" | Recalling a method they've learned | |
| When stuck | "What have you tried? Where did you stop?" | Seeing they aren't starting from nothing |
| "Which step are you sure about, and which one aren't you sure about?" | Pinpointing where they're stuck | |
| "Can you draw it?" | Seeing the problem as a picture | |
| "What would you do if the numbers were smaller?" | Finding the method with easy numbers | |
| With an answer | "How do you know it's right?" | Explaining and self-checking |
| "Does your answer reply to what the question asked?" | Catching answers to the wrong question |
"Which step are you sure about, and which one aren't you?" is especially useful. Children are rarely stuck on a whole problem. Usually it's one step, and that's the only one you need to work on.
If your child says "I don't know", make the question smaller: "Can you read me the first sentence again? What does it say?"
Let the worked example do the teaching
Textbooks and workbooks usually show a worked example right before the exercises. That's the method your child's class is using, written out step by step. You don't need to remember or invent a method. Just put the example next to the problem your child is working on.
- Read the example together. Ask: "What do they do first here?"
- Compare it with your child's problem: "What's the same as the example? Which number in yours is in the place of this one?"
- Let your child follow the steps, glancing back at the example at each one.
It also stops you teaching a method that differs from the class one. School teaches maths differently from how you learned goes into this in more detail.
Checking an answer when you're not sure yourself
Even if you can't solve the problem, you can help your child see whether the answer makes sense. None of these needs the solution:
- Estimate first. "Roughly how big will the answer be? Bigger or smaller than this number?" If the problem is about sharing 24 sweets and the answer is 300, something has gone wrong.
- Work backwards. Check an addition by subtracting, a multiplication by dividing. Your child does it; you just see whether both ends match.
- Put the answer back into the problem. Read the problem again with the answer in it: "If Sam had 12 sweets and gave away 5, how many are left? Does that match what the problem says?"
- Reread the final question. If it asks "how many are left" and your child wrote how many were given away, that's a common slip anyone can catch.
Still not sure? Say so: "I'm not sure either. Mark this one and ask your teacher tomorrow." A clear question for class beats a correction you're unsure of.
What you say about maths is a lesson too
Children notice how adults talk about maths more than we think. "Nobody in our family is any good at maths" or "I never understood it either" may feel like comfort, but your child can hear it as: maths is something some people can do and others can't, and we're in the second group.
You don't need to pretend to be good at it. Instead, show your child an adult who is learning:
- Instead of "I'm hopeless at maths", try "I haven't done one like this before. Let's read it carefully together."
- Instead of "This is too hard, let's leave it", try "This one really is hard. Let's try drawing it."
Staying calm matters more than knowing the answer. If you're both getting tense, stop, have a drink of water, come back in a few minutes, or leave that problem for the teacher. Everyday phrases that put children off learning has more things to say instead.
If your child uses Dologi, the puzzles in the Math topic are a gentle place to practise asking "why did you pick that one?" without knowing the answer in advance. A wrong answer just brings an invitation to try again.
In short
- You can help with maths without being good at it: your job is to ask so your child thinks, not to explain the solution.
- Ask "what is the question asking", "what have you tried", "which step aren't you sure about", then wait.
- Put the worked example next to your child's problem and follow the class method step by step.
- Check answers by estimating, working backwards and putting them back into the problem, and avoid "we're just not a maths family".
Read more: School teaches maths differently from how you learned and Homework without the shouting.