Your child hands over the test and looks at the floor. The mark is lower than you expected. In that moment it's easy to blurt out "how did this happen?" or "what were you doing in class?". But the first thing you say often decides whether your child shows you the next test or hides it. This article suggests what to say, in order: stay calm, ask first, look at the mistakes together, then agree on a small plan.
The first few minutes: stay calm, then ask
One bad mark is one test, not a verdict on your child. Before talking about the work:
- Thank your child for showing you or telling you. "Thanks for letting me see it." Your child needs to know that being honest was the right thing to do.
- Take a few slow breaths if you feel yourself getting heated. You can say: "Let me look at it properly first, and we'll talk this evening."
- Talk in private. Don't mention the mark in front of siblings or relatives.
| Avoid | You could say |
|---|---|
| "How did you only get this?" | "How did you feel about this test?" |
| "What did your friend get?" | "Which question felt hardest?" |
| "What were you even doing?" | "Let's look at it together." |
| "If this happens again…" | "Next time, let's try changing one small thing." |
Children often know more about what went wrong than parents think, so ask before you criticise:
- "Why do you think this test didn't go well?"
- "Did anything happen during the test? Did you run out of time?"
- "Which parts do you think you did well?"
Listen to the end before you speak. If your child is upset, name that first: "You're disappointed about the mark. I understand." An upset child finds it hard to take in advice.
Go through the test together
Sit beside your child and reread each wrong answer. The goal is to find out why it went wrong, not to count how many answers were wrong.
| Type of mistake | Signs | What to do |
|---|---|---|
| Didn't understand the topic | Many wrong answers of the same kind | Revise that part, and ask your child to explain it back to you |
| Rushed or copied wrongly | Knew the method but slipped at the last step | Practise checking once before handing in |
| Misread the question | Correctly solved a different problem from the one asked | Underline the key words in the question |
| Ran out of time | The last questions are blank | Do the sure questions first, leave the hard ones for later |
| Nervous during tests | Can do it at home but forgets in class | Practise short timed tasks at home to get used to it |
If your child keeps making the same kind of mistake, that's a useful clue: fixing one type of mistake often helps with many questions at once.
One small plan for next time
After going through the test, choose one specific thing to try together. One small thing done well beats five big promises.
- Specific: "Three problems of the same type every evening" instead of "work harder".
- Short: ten to fifteen minutes at a time is enough.
- Your child chooses: offer two or three options and let them pick the one they want to try.
- Agree to check back: after a week, ask whether it's helping and what needs to change.
When the next test goes better, praise exactly what your child did: "You did three problems every evening for a week, and this time you got all of that type right." If the next test still isn't better, keep the plan going a little longer or try a different approach.
When to talk to the teacher
- Low marks continue over several tests, even though your child is trying.
- Your child seems very afraid of tests, often complains of feeling unwell, or doesn't want to go to school on test days.
- You can't work out why your child is getting things wrong, or they don't seem to understand the questions.
Ask the teacher where your child tends to get stuck in class and how you can help at home. If your worries go beyond schoolwork, you can also ask a specialist for advice.
In short
- Thank your child for showing you, stay calm, and talk in private.
- Ask what your child thinks before you say what you think.
- Go through the test together to find the type of mistake, not just to count wrong answers.
- Choose one small, specific thing to try next time, and check back after a week.
Read more: Patterns in mistakes: why your child keeps getting the same kind of thing wrong