Some children know what to do but find it hard to actually do it: they forget the second step of an instruction, blurt out the answer before the question is finished, or get stuck when a plan changes. Often, what is still developing is not knowledge but a set of "management" skills called executive function. Understanding them helps parents see these moments differently, and practise them through play.
What executive function means
Executive function is a group of thinking skills that help us plan, focus, remember instructions and manage several tasks. They are often described as three main skills:
| Skill | In simple words | Everyday example |
|---|---|---|
| Working memory | Holding information in mind while using it | Remembering "shoes, coat, bag" while getting ready |
| Self-control | Stopping to think before acting | Waiting for your turn instead of grabbing |
| Flexible thinking | Switching between ideas or rules | Trying another way when the first one doesn't work |
These skills develop gradually through childhood and keep developing for many years. Young children are not expected to master them; they practise them every day, often without anyone noticing.
Why these skills matter
- Learning: following multi-step instructions, keeping numbers in mind while calculating, reading a sentence and remembering its beginning.
- Independence: getting dressed, packing a bag, starting a task without reminders.
- Friendships: taking turns, accepting new rules in a game, calming down after a disagreement.
Games for working memory
- I went to the market. Each player adds an item: "I went to the market and bought an apple… an apple and a ball…" The list grows.
- Missions with steps. "Get a spoon, put it on the table, then bring me a cup." Add a step as it gets easy.
- Memory cards. Lay matching pairs face down and turn two at a time, remembering where each picture was.
- Repeat it backwards. Say three numbers or words and ask your child to say them in reverse order (for older children).
Games for self-control
- Stop and go. Move to music and freeze when it stops. Make it harder by freezing on a clap instead.
- Opposite day. When you say "up", your child points down; when you say "big", they make themselves small.
- Red light, green light. Walk on green, stop on red, and be careful on yellow.
- Wait for it. "When I say 'banana', you can start." Then say other words first.
Games for flexible thinking
- Sort, then sort again. Sort buttons by colour, then mix them and sort by size.
- New rules. Play a familiar game, then change one rule halfway through.
- What else could it be? Hold up a spoon: what else could it be used for? A microphone, a shovel for a toy, a drumstick.
- Two ways. Ask for two different ways to solve the same small problem.
Everyday habits that support these skills
- Routines with pictures. A picture list of the morning steps lightens the load on memory.
- One step at a time. Break tasks into small pieces and check them off.
- Plan out loud together. "First we… then we… if it rains, we'll…"
- Pause before reacting. Model it yourself: "I'm cross. I'll take three breaths before I answer."
- Enough sleep and play. Tired children find all three skills harder.
In Dologi, memory card puzzles ask children to remember where each picture is hidden, which uses working memory in a playful way.
In short
- Executive function means three skills: working memory, self-control and flexible thinking.
- They develop slowly through childhood, and everyday play is a natural way to practise them.
- Games like "I went to the market", "stop and go" and "sort, then sort again" exercise each skill.
- Routines, small steps, planning out loud and calm pauses support children every day.
Read more: Problem-solving skills for children: four steps to practise with small everyday problems.